friday my eyelid was kind of hurting. saturday, it was somewhat swole and hurt all day. sunday i woke up and it was definitely more swollen and painful and red. it's a sty (read:eyelid pimple). so i hotpack it to help it clear up and come to a head so it can drain. ew, right? today, monday, i wake up and i can't open my eye. i thought 'maybe it popped overnight. that'd be cool'. i went to look in the mirror, had to rinse all the crap off my eye so i could open it. i immediately realize it wasn't what i'd hoped. my eye was crapped shut but also my entire eyelid is swollen now. i can barely open it. i have to go to the clinic looking like a battered girlfriend and then convince them that i'm not. the only thing i'm excited about is a pass they'll give me since i'll probably miss my japanese exam. anyway

next item of business: filters. my fish hates them, so i turned mine off. he seems much happier and wiggleful now.

also, got an ipod. didn't think i'd be able to afford it, but hey i'm not questioning things.

last thing i gotta mention -- a river of fabric on my ceiling for everyone's viewing and touching pleasure. pictures to come.

i must go now, so i can go get my eyeball fixed.

hell yes. it's 20:35 and i have 14 hours to finish a paper and get 10 hours of sleep. so really, four hours. and for the last four, i've been doing all kinds of things. cooking rice pilaf, german choco cake, cleaning dishes and watching cheddar wiggle. cheddar the fish not the cheese. although he is called cheeze sometimes too. wally. archaeopteryx. ogomekuchan. also he is known as wiggleberry finnegan! yes folks, that's right--i have a new fish! and man is he cool. he's really round, a jolly fantail goldfish. his tiny maneuvering fins are overwhelmed by the weight of his superfluous amount of tail. so he can't swim, but man does he try. and the result is -- much wiggleings. all day. everytime i look at him. i bought him so i wouldn't have to be alone writing papers about movies. which is what i will now do. just as soon as i finish this post. yep, i'm going.





gonna sign off messengers. gonna close windows. gonna sit here and finish this paper. right now.





just gotta click publish, grab some cake and work.









seriously this time. ..

first off, i am not afraid of ant's family. i think the problem is, when i go to bed, if my head isn't completely clear, i dream about whatever's on my mind. and mostly, when i'm in my bed that suddenly feels so empty w/o him in it, ant's on my mind. and it all just goes nutty from there. no real explanation

moving right along, winter has finally made it. it came stumbling in like it got caught up a bar, going 'sorry i'm late! lemme make it up to ya!'. winter, the original party crasher. winter, with its crappy greeley smell and its frigid air. blowing snow into the sanctity of my bus because the doors won't close all the way.

and onto new business

i'm going to hawai'i in april! (cartwheels.) in about 58 days, i will be flying out to hawai'i to see my honeykins for a week. side note, after this i most likely won't see him again until january. but i'm not thinking about that so much as i am the part where i get to go visit for a while. not sure how i'll make school work around that, but it's totally worth it.

all in all, this weekend is going ok. cold as shit but won't be here for much longer. word on the street is we'll see forties by tuesday/wednesday.

i'm doing a lab for my sound systems class. the sound bites for the words i'm cutting up look like crazy energy wave pirannhas. i have no idea how to capture and post pics. sorry.
and carp shaped guilt

i woke up from another weird weird dream this morning. weird enough that i didn't even want to go back to sleep. this was aided by the fact that the dreary light coming in made me think there'd be a white wonderland waiting outside. i'm trying to figure out what my problem is that i have these strange dreams, and here is my prognosis. i don't think i'm stressing about the marriage thing but i am. enough that every dream i remember involves post-marriage unhappiness.

last night's dream had me in my van with all of ant's family. without even asking, his mom and mal get in the front seats. i go to sit in the middle, but there's no room there either. i wind up sitting all the way in back, where there aren't seats at all. and i sit there. ant sees me, doesn't say or do anything and i just sit there. i watch his family argue and talk and drive and we wind up at chataqua (the lastest place i've thought of for big day)

everything is kind of ok for a while, i'm playing some weird game that resembles lacross. i go looking for him, i want him to play with me. i basically get blown off like those lyer people at the umc. suddenly, i realize that it's dark and ant and his family are gone gone gone. and i wake up.

no point really, to these dreams. or to my rambling about them. but i keep having dreams like this. the other day, i dreamt that less than a year after we got married, i had a kid. and he kept trying to feed it things that everyone knows babies can't eat. like chips, and other chunky foodstuffs. and i was just unhappy. completely unhappy. and i knew it. i looked at this kid and thought, this is not at all what i want.

i guess i have to wait a year and some chunk to see if i'm just being silly paranoid or what. suck. i need more distraction in my life. either that or i can just pass out drunk everynight and not dream of anything. or maybe not. i don't know a whole lot, is what i'm realizing. i thought i had a pretty good grasp of the world surrounding but um.. i think i was grossly mistaken.

right now i can't decide if i should keep typing. nobody reading will want to read much further than this, if you all are even reading still at this point. i could take up the argument that it's my blog and i can rant about whatever. another time maybe.

friday at work, a couple friends of mine showed up just to ride around. it was a lot of fun. there was laughing and drinking and smoking ( i only did the laughing), and i was happy. it might have been the first time i worked all the way through the friday night shift--usually i leave early. then ben showed up and it was a straight up party. when i was going off shift, i traded buses with the other driver since it was -8 outside and his heat didn't work. and his bus had a 3" gap above the door that just poured in cold air. so i got on his bus, which was packed with partyers, and told them to get off. this is when i found out they know my name

no denise, they said. no don't go, you're cool denise. a good driver she is, said the guy who gave me $2 last week. i told them i'd be on the late night next saturday and collected 8 keystone light cans off the floor and threw them at the windshield of the other bus which made me giggle. nothing makes you feel badass like having these kids pleading with you to drive all night. no, wait, i take that back.

nothing makes you feel badass like driving to a high security plane hanger, and being directed by guys with orange flashy airplane landing sticks. they had me park on their landing pad, and gave me and the other driver a tour of the building, leaving us in the library to hang out and wait. i worked 5 hours that day, and drove for about 1.5 hours. this combination also furthers the badassness.

also, underground celebrity. i like it when i'm sitting in class and somebody is trying to discreetly point at me and i hear something about 'buff bus'... that's cool as hell. please, everybody, don't rush me. don't crowd me all at once with stories of your great times on my bus. no i don't remember that night, but you do and that's swell. so many people have random adventures with me and i don't even realize most of the time.

anyway i started this post a long time ago and forgot where i was going with it. so i stop here

i'm on hold w/assholes right now. this will be the 5th time that i've cancelled my long distance. ever since august, i've been cancelling my long distance. finally, in january, i called with my mom (qwest employee extroidanaire) and bitched. the end result was 4 months of long distance charges credited back to me, and supposedly my internet cancelled.

the guy is telling me right now some crap about how she cancelled it on the 18th and on the 20th something was supposed to happen but didn't.

seriously, this time, my ld had better be cancelled. i'm so annoyed with these people. maybe not this guy, he's pretty funny. but the ones who sell me shit w/o explaining what i'm getting into. and the ones who somehow mishear me when i say, ' i don't want your long distance. fuck. you people suck.'

on a side note, i got a dvd player! for this i rejoice by watching hours of chapelle's show.

so last night, i had the 330am shift and wasn't too excited at the beginning of the evening. after a couple loops, i started to enjoy the solitute and began pondering on a variety of subjects. blogosaur showed up right before midnight and that was great. i can't explain how much fun it is when people show up just to ride around with me.

some guy puked on my bus for the first time, but it wasn't nearly as dramatic as i thought it would be. his lady friend was really embarassed and cleaned it all up for me. all i did was hand her barf dust and disinfectant spray. the end.

after ben showed up and blogo left, a couple of bear creekers gave me $3.03 in tips. not really sure why but i have fun thinking cuz i'm just that cool. i'm the only girl doing night shifts now, i just realized.

the night ended with no excitement. the bus didn't die at the fueling station, partly because i didn't turn it off. the engine wasn't having a fuel filter problem and didn't seem likely to die ever 2 minutes. there was plenty of auto tranny fluid and it passed the brake checks. the only problem i had was that i can't park at 3:45am. at one end, the buses were too close to pass in between. at the other end, it was nice and roomy. i could have reparked, sure, but why. the guy the next morning could care less how nicely the bus is parked, so long as it runs right. so i left it parked, as is.

found items:
one pair of cop sunglasses
one empty case box of keylight
three empty cans of keylight
one green bic lighter
one broken cigarette
one unlabeled cd (a rap cd of sorts)
three copies of the colorado daily
two pop bottle lids (no bottles? weird)
$ .75 in change

so all in all, it was a good night for me.

so my pet isn't up but maybe i can just put a link in for yaal to visit at your own leisure? go here. i dreamt that my aunt felt that she needed to sacrifice me in order to appease the god(s?) of her religion. so i ran like mad, started driving and suddenly my dream is burnout 3. flying around corners, taking out anyone who looked sketch to me. never crashed, and i woke up right after this. kinda weird.

just like the weather. a huge funky cloud is just chilling on top of boulder right now. i can see sun seeping around it, it's odd.