it's 1010am and ive been up for 3 and a half hours. 18 hours remain of this day. i'm sick and my nose is running more than i have lately. i was late to my first shift, im glad i wasn't taking over one. people would be unhappy. i'm in the pc lab, eating a bagle, drinking vitamin water and typing through yao san's presentation. it's nothing against him, i'm jus crashing already and trying to holdon. id play with my hair except i don't have any. i want it to be long again.

after japanese, i have art history, linguistics and art history recitation. i'm relieved from duties until 6pm when i have to drive. off again fro, 830 to 945 and then im on til 1245. maybe i can get off early? that would be ideal.

i went to the bouncing souls show on monday. and it rocked. the guy i went with got me a 21+ band and we had a blast. i even went in the mosh pit, albeit only for a minute before i had a panic attack and couldn't get out. i felt like a football, the way he grabbed me and straightarmed his way out of the pit. i couldn't breathe. but it was a great experience.

driving home wasn't because the windshield wipers didn't work and it was raining like crazy.

i'm going to hawai'i in less than two weeks. ok so a week and 6 days but still... all the things i'm going through w/navy boy has me wondering when this dream is going to end. i'm trying to see it all with a clear head, and it's jus now starting to work. it's wild to think i could be living somewhere else in under two years. a month ago, i figured i was boulder based for an indefinite period. i also figured i'd be single for the forseeable future and definitely unmarried for years. all of that was changed w/one conversation. ive been riding this high and it keeps getting better.

i want to be at my parents' house, drinking cocoa and talking w/my family. i miss waking up on winter mornings and shoveling snow. for some reason, i have a sentimental attachment to shoveling. especially the way we all try to help my dad but really we all just make more snow messes for him to clean up. sigh.

i haven't been able to sleep at night. i wake up 3 to 4 times a night, for sometimes but not always obvious reasons. when navy boy was here, i slept like a freakin' rock, even amongst all the chaos that was his house.

i'm staring at all this furniture that i've managed to acquire in 24 hours and i'm so happy. especially cuz i have a big comfy roller chair now. i got two bookshelves too, which is 2x as many as i thought i'd have by now. and a new lamp, for my bedroom.

it's nice because i finally have motivation to clean and organize. but i have to make all these executive decisions as to what i want where and it's a lil difficult. i was never the design inclined person in my family.

my future plans have all completely changed shape over the last 3 days, all because of an amazing seaman in hawai'i who apparently thinks he would love nothing more than me by his side for extended periods of time. i thought he was messing with me cuz i was under influences at the time and highly gullible. he wasn't joking. and i'm trying my best to retain composure.

i never thought i'd be around for this point in my life. especially not like this. i mean - i thought if i ever even thought about it, it'd be like a good friend of mine and it'd be a commonlaw marriage because we jus wanna reap benefits but not necessarily get hitched. but he says he had a dream and that his dreams are never wrong. he says he'll have a wife who's insane and sporatic, so long as it's me. he says there's so much he wants to say but can't until we're in person. and when he tells me that, i can feel the emotion. i want to reach out and grab it and hold on to it. and him for that matter. i want him here to help me sleep and help me now how to feel about this because it seems like he knows better than i do.

sigh

the soonest i'll be able to visit him, which is more doable than him coming here, is in december. until then, i get to wonder what kind of surprise he's planning, and how i would react. it's great for spacing out during class. i want to tell everyone, i want to scream out to the world that i feel so amazing. but then i look back at every other relationship i've been in. i look at the results and the fact that i was never happy. i look at all the times i've had my hopes shattered like a bus window on a saturday late night. nobody notices, nobody cares. i'm afraid that somehow this will go the same way. i am utterly terrified of that but i'm trying to trust.

it's hard because i have no previous experience w/something this serious.

all i can do is make comfort foods like ramen and macncheese, play soccer and drive buses. and somehow come up w/700 for a flight. i realize this post went nowhere but it matters not. i feel better.

crappy update

today is beautiful. it's so foggy out that you can't even see the base of the foothills. but it's not raining or anything, although you can feel the moisture in the air. this is probably the first time i've really looked forward to, on any level, colder weather.

my whole world of friends keeps rearranging right now. i met an amazing guy who moved to hawai'i a week later. we went to hs together and i seriously never thought i'd catch up w/him again. spending time w/him makes me wonder why i even dated the people i did, when i was obviously so much happier w/him. we spent all of sunday following whims. this lead us to multiple parks, drinking, the goodwill, and lunch among other various stops. there's nothing as satisfying as doing whatever you feel like for a whole day.

one of my homeboys just broke up w/his gf. (some of you know what that means for me). i'm getting closer and closer to telling my crush what's up. he prolly figured it out months ago and just never said anything. that'd be truly hilarious.

i work 4 days a week, 3 of them are spent ending the long bendy bus. as it turns out, it's one of my favorite buses to drive because of the suspension and the sound system. i can get serious bass going on cds and the bumps in the road don't even cause skips usually. the only sucky thing is having to catch a bus home but even that isn't a big deal. i live a mile and a half away from base, which isn't even that bad.

i'm starting to get back into the swing of classes and studying. just in time for midterms, of which i only have two--today and tomorrow. now that i'm getting on that, i can start clubbing on the weeknights again, and maybe keep my apt in a lil better shape. that's something i'm gonna work on right now.

preston called me yest4erday morning, and it absolutely made my day. next to what the navy boy did to wake me up, i can't decide which is a better alarm clock. sigh

somebody up there loves me

this weekend, i thought for sure i was dead at least three times. but i am still here, in one piece and it amazes me that i made it.

saturday, i drove a 50' articulated bus(the bendy one) down to south high school and back. this involves keeping up w/bob, who loves driving these buses. i was scared shitless most of the time. here's the deal - the hinge is supposed to lock at speeds upwards of 35mph, so the bus is stiff. this keeps it from swaying while driving at high speeds. i'm fairly convinced that the buses in our fleet have this disabled. i was, at the scariest moments, swaying between three lanes of traffic with people flying by on both sides. i would have my foot off the acceleration, trying to tap the brake just enough to get my steering back. i was making the smallest adjustments to the wheel as possible, praying that if i slow down and steer well, i'd regain control.

it was like this during both halves of the trip, and there were more than one moment where i thought i was going to jackknife and die. and i had accepted it. i was completely comfortable with the fact that i could easily die on this night and that at least i had given it a shot. i knew, when i got on the bus, what could happen. and i figured it was better that i had taken the risk and confronted my fear than to run away and never know what would have happened.

so that was saturday. after that, i took over a super transit and had a blast becasue it was so easy to drive.

sunday, i barely got sleep.
i'm driving back to boulder at 245 am. i know it's a short drive and i just have to focus, so i get going and do everything i can to stay alert. 315 i get home, get out of my car and i cannot remember much of the drive. i have no idea how fast i was going, if i was passing people if there were any cops or anything. it's all a blank. even getting off at my exit is a blank.

i decide i just need to go to sleep, worry about it tomorrow. so i lay down and start to pass out. i wake up almost immediately because i think i'm still driving. in my dreams, i'm counting mile markers so when i wake up i freak out and think i fell asleep driving. after doing this a couple times, i turn on the light and start reading in an effort to keep myself from falling asleep at the wheel.

around 5am i realize i am laying in bed, not driving anymore. i fall asleep and crash through both of my morning classes.

this weekend makes me feel like maybe karma is a serious aspect of my life that i need to acknowledge more often. i never want to die in a burning heap of metal and engine.

last night i found a picture from my freshman year.

it was one of the first times that preston and i hung out. (completely offtopic but there's a hottie in my art class named preston too) a tampon company was letting people get dressed up and take pictures. it was fun as shit even though my scanner won't talk to my laptop right now.. so i can't load it. sigh. do you remember, preston?

dude... seriously

so my homie and i are sometimes tryin' to meet cool peoples online. sometimes it works, sometimes you meet guys who are pretending to be girls who won't give their number or meet you. then they flip out on me because my friend called them out for being a guy. and it results in conversations like this. keep in mind, that my friend blocked them over a week ago and hasn't contacted them since then.

nicole : well please tell him that if ever contacts me again, then i will send the police to his front door and charge him harrassment and stalking
gloverbunni : ok
gloverbunni : lol
nicole : i hate that son of a bitch and am very serious !!
gloverbunni : yeah um
gloverbunni : im not arguing w/you
nicole : i've already contacted the police, they know who he is and where he lives
gloverbunni : so.. you dont have to yell at me
gloverbunni : and keep bringing it up
gloverbunni : i really dont care one way or the other whatever issues you two have lol
nicole : fine, just ask him to leave me alone !!
gloverbunni : is he not?
nicole : thank you
nicole : no he is not
gloverbunni : heh
gloverbunni : lol thats great
nicole : he keeps contacting me
gloverbunni : like IM?
gloverbunni : cuz as far as i know, you never gave him your phone or anything
nicole : i haven't
nicole : he keps contacting me online
gloverbunni : ah
gloverbunni : and you havent blocked him?
nicole : and i went to the police about it
gloverbunni : right
gloverbunni : i got that
nicole : i keep blocking him and he manages to contact again
nicole : and again
nicole : and again
gloverbunni : under different names or what
nicole : no, the same name
nicole : he unblocks himself which makes me think he's a hacker
nicole : if he contacts me one more time, he will find himself in serious felony trouble
gloverbunni : right
gloverbunni : ok
gloverbunni : its all whatevs to me dude
gloverbunni : lol
nicole : like i said, the police already know who he is, where he lives and are monitoring his account to see if he's hacking people's computers
gloverbunni : werd
gloverbunni : well let me know how this all works out
gloverbunni : for the entertainment value
nicole : i'll let u know if contacts me again
nicole : he's a fucking asshole

the end. i was seriously laughing the whole time. because it's simply ridiculous.

wow

so i've been working at 630am this entire business week. that was a bit rough but i made it. went to bed early, blew all my friends off, and just did it. yesterday, though, was unprepared for. 12 hours of work total. i was up at 830, and i as i lay i bed, i was so happy just to sleep in. then i realize that even at 830, most of my friends are still asleep.

i drive down to denver, pick up like 50 8-year old kids and take them to boulder for the football game. as a result of doing this shift, i get a free ticket, which is cool. so i go to the game at half time cuz i know the hot sun and walking involved will make me tired. i leave immediately after we intercept the ball, only to have the ball intercepted by csu in the next play. i figure, we're going to lose, and i accept it and move on with my day.

after taking the kids back and taking the bus back, i go home and try to make something happen w/this friend of mine. but i've discovered that for whatever reason, i dont quite have that drive to get some at every opportunity i have, anymore. so we hang out from 830 to 930, and i take over the 3am bus at 937.

i get on this bus, and the driver tells me that even before she took it over, it had a broken window in the front door. also, there are 3 broken panes in back. so i figure i'm in for a rough night of rowdy drunk freshmen, and i don't have batteries to power my p.o.s. fm transmitter. matt shows up and i beseech him to pick up some batteries or we will be doomed to listen to radio for 5 hours.

unfortunately, for the first hour or so, the will vill stop is so crowded, we're leaving people behind every time. i'm driving w/ just enough space to see out the mirrors, the bus has something close to 90 people on it. it's a 44 passenger bus. i'm sure this is unsafe. i'm also sure this is exactly what every other night driver puts up with. i was having a blast.

once we got the music going, and the crowds died a bit, i couldn't think of anything more entertaining to do than talk to matt about everything and socialize with the kids who thought i was freakin' amazing because i picked them up and dropped them off just about anywhere.

i did have one kid flip me off and tell me he waited 40minutes for the bus. whatever dude, the most he could have possibly been waiting was 20. and it's a 15 minute walk from anywhere on the loop back to will vill. drunk bastard

at the end of the night, around 310am, i took inventory and had no new damage or puke or anything. not even too many cans or trash. after putting 39 gallons of fuel in a 60 gallon bus, i finally got back to base and post tripped. matt picked me up and we went to bk for some postdriving fun and food. i still can't think of a better way to have spent the wee hours of my morning.

we sat around and laughed to tears about everything. from my art class to friends of his to cooking to coupons to the lady at the drive through. nothing was sacred and i loved it.

i slept in from 540am to 5pm. i have tons of shit to do today, but seriously doubt none of it will be done.

pix and such

i realize i have a lot of friends with blogs that are so much more entertaining than mine. some of them actually have the patience to upload pictures. which reminds me, ill do that in a second here.

but in the meantime here are some fun blogs by fun people who help me pass the time

blogosaur

insomniac

preston

ok so the list isn't that long. but whatever
here's some pictures too
since i don't recall which ones i loaded, i hope everyone can figure out what's going on in all the pics. have fun. comment with your guesses on the situations